In Memorial: Beloved companion of Jeannine Bestine

This is so surreal. We knew the day would come, but I never believed it. 15 years with this little girl. My little one, our child. So much in those eyes. I adopted Nim 5 months after my husband died. I had 7 birds at the time, but I really wanted someone to take with me on drives or walks or just to have a warm body next to me. She did that and more. I promised her that I’d never make her perform for food except sit, and she’d just be herself. She was my shadow. Sat as close as she could to me. Made me laugh with her looks. She became Nurse Nim when I was sick. She listened to me when I needed to talk. Let me cry as she comforted me with her hugs. I hated leaving her with people when I travelled, just a worried mamma. She filled up some of that hole left when Erik died, gave me a little warmth back into my soul. We became Nim and Jeannine and the birds. Eventually she stole the heart of my boyfriend as she did with me in that first meeting over 15 years ago. I remember every one of the good moments and more. Having her to come home to every night, running to greet me at the door, and picking her up. From the first moment I got her she always put her head on my shoulder. I really wanted her to do that one more time. In the last 2 years she became a beach dog which was a surprise to me because she never liked the water until we moved here, but there were a few times where she walked right into the bay enjoying the coolness of the water over the summer air. Today I feel the fog of grief. I mouthed her name a few times today which is some weird thing I do with the names of people and pets who are alive. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare. Maybe if I wish harder or clap my hands, it will all turn out better. Or if I poured more love into her or hope harder she’ll be better. My lesson on hope was learned 15 years ago after losing my husband. It’s not hopelessness, just acknowledgment of reality. That lesson sticks deeply in my heart…a little deeper now. At least she showed me those 5 months later, that there was still someone to live for. For now, all I can do now is tell stories of her. Look at all the memories of her. There are a lot. Maybe some day we’ll invite a new soul into our family knowing full well that they too will take a piece of our soul when they pass. - Jeannine Bestine